Sadly, embarrassed with my thoughts, I pushed them to the back of mymind. I'd never be able to live fully as a woman. It would be toodifficult, and futile too. There was the difficulty of breaking with mypast life and establishing a new identity. Even with extensive surgeryand hormone treatment I might be able to live as a female, but theultimate female experience, to bear children, would be beyond me.Despite these feelings, or perhaps because of them, I had immersedmyself fully in a busy and demanding career, but they never went away.They lessened a little, but sometimes intruded into my subconscious as awelcome escape from the real world. This time, seeing these girls, theyhad suddenly come back in full force, leaving me depressed.Before turning in I decided to have a shower. I toweled myself off andlooked critically at myself in the mirror. I looked sadly at my malebody and shook my head. I thought back to the girls and bit my lip. Ihad a man's body and I had to accept that.In. ’ I gave her a big smile and let my eyes scan her curvy body, dressed in tight jeans. ‘Sure,’ I said, and we headed across the street. It wasn’t really a big deal and we got it sorted out and set up almost right away. She explained that she sat for the young toddler all day several days each week, except on the weekends. As we worked together setting up the pool, occasionally our bodies bumped and touched, and each time it was like a spark jumped between us. The sexual energy seemed to crackle between us, and when the sexy twenty-year-old girl looked at me I could tell she felt the same thing. We talked about how hot the day was going to be and the need to cool off. When everything was set and the small pool was filling, Monica thanked me, her shy glance making her more attractive than ever. Then, she looked into my eyes with a decided boldness and asked if I wanted to come over later in the afternoon and cool off in the water, seeing how I’d done so much to help put it up. I readily.
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